Veer Zaara

Veer Zaara

After watching this movie, I began contemplating, why do people hate each other? Why do they hurt others emotionally and physically? Why do they discriminate? Why do they commit hate crimes? Why they become self-destructive?

Then I realized why. Some people make turdfests like Veer Zaara. I was tearing my hair off while watching the movie and wanted to hit out at someone or something really bad.

It was promoted as a love legend (more on that later) and a big blockbuster. So what's the requirement to make a Yash Chopra Blockbuster?

SRK. Amritsar cornfields. 300,000 songs. 300 1/2 hour running time. Rani or Preity. Rani and Preity together in hideous clothes even better. 300 tons of makeup and 400 tons of gold jewelry (wait that's a Sanjay Leela Bhansali blockbuster requirement). A wise and supportive hero's father and a stubborn ass heroine's father. A stubborner meaner badder fiancé of our poor gal. Our heroine is always traditional and believes in family values. And a love story (which wont be a story if people used a little bit of logic)

The story is simple. Raj (SRK) a rescue pilot saves Simran (Preity) from drowning in a 3-foot swimming pool (how I wish for a change the heroine saved the hero's life like saving him from being raped by Karan or something) and he promises to get her across the border. Hold on did I say Raj and Simran, well it's Veer-Zaara (Raj Simran Veer-Zaara same old shit). The first half is same as DDLJ anyways. So ok they like travel and stuff and he stops by in his village to meet his "mom and dad" or whatever (AB and Hema). They sing 100 songs and Preity miraculously changes AB's mind about not letting gals study. Oh the convincing power of this feisty gal (actually the convincing power of her booty)

After their short 200-day stay he drops her in Pakistan. At the train station as they walk way from each they realize they are in love after meeting for like 100 minutes. Deja' vu anyone? Why do our boy n gal realize they are in love at the train station after separation? When SRK realizes that she is engaged he decides to "sacrifice" his love. No, no he is not afraid of the fact that he is an Indian in Pakistan or the fact that there are huge guys who can beat his shit to pulp. It's a sacrifice. But bad guy (SRK's hamming partner Manoj Bajpai) has a conspiracy in mind and gets him jailed. To keep Zaara's honor he keeps quiet and goes to jail for 22 years. Even bigger "sacrifice" its so big it is a LEGEND.

Now leaving Zaara because she is engaged to someone else I understand, but why rot in a prison for 22 years that too in Pakistan where the inmates know you are an Indian and the probability of being fucked by anal probes ranging from hands, fists, penises, green chilies, steel pipes and plates and other devices like vacuum cleaners is 100%?

Hold on, SRK imprisoned for 22 yrs in an all male prison that too in Pakistan. Yeah baby. This is one Karan Johar fantasy come true.

Then after 22 years an overzealous HR liar (Rani) decides to save prisoner # 786 because she is a feminist who wants equal rights for women. What's the connection? Ask Mr. Yash Chopra. She blabbers and Bullshits in court and comes the fairy tale ending. Even the Pakistani judge could not stomach Rani's voice for more than 5 seconds and decides to emancipate SRK as long as it stops the squealing motor mouth; it was like he read my mind.

But wait not before people start singing in the courtroom. WTF?? The judge is like "Oh I am le bored" looking at SRK judge says, "You… pretty boy start singing"

Its good that Karan Johar didn't direct this movie, otherwise it would have been an item number with male strippers in thongs, dancing to convey SRK's love for Preity.
SRK hasn't spoken to anyone in 22 years but just because Rani the HR Liar calls him by his name he pours his heart out. Duh! Dude come on tell the truth. You have been in prison for 22 years. You are HORNY, VERY VERY HORNY and Rani is humpable with the aid of a few drinks, a strap on, dim lights and brown bags. Don't BS.

Acting wise all of the actors SRK, AB, Preity, Rani, Hema, especially Manoj laugh, cry, make weird faces (because of constipation may be) and ham like there's no tomorrow. Oh and why is SRK wearing designer clothes of 2005 in that period?

There were some funny parts too. Actually only one when I think about it, SRK says to Preity something like "Maine tum se Khoobsurat ladki nahin dekhi......." hahaha I fell of the chair. SRK is like so blind in most of his movies.

How I wish our Rescue Pilot was traveling in a helicopter before he met Zaara and HIS HELICOPTER HAD AN EJECTOR SEAT AND HE ACCIDENTLY PRESSED THE EJECT SEAT BUTTON he would have died after getting caught in the helicopter blades and we would have been saved of this ATROCITY called Veer Zaara.